Author Topic: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?  (Read 4479 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

wokcha

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 35
Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« on: March 11, 2008, 12:31:03 PM »
DH and I are having our delayed reception on 8/23/08, which is our first anniversary.  How do we word the invites??  (We're hosting)

Also - is wearing my wedding dress appropriate, or should I find something else?

Asha

  • Polite smart-aleck
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1586
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2008, 12:34:34 PM »
I would call it a party to celebrate the first year of your marriage, but treating it like a wedding reception would be stretching it.  Unless your wedding dress is very "un-gownlike" I wouldn't wear it.



(Already?!?!?!?!)

When life hands you lemons, grab the vodka and sugar rim!

MissMannersFan

  • Planned a huge wedding in 5 months, and SURVIVED!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2008, 02:02:48 PM »
I would call it a First Anniversary Party (or banquet, or dinner-dance, or whatever) rather than a delayed reception.

You can wear your wedding dress if you want to.


sparksals

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15703
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2008, 05:16:09 PM »
This is an anniversary party.  I would not call it a delayed reception. 

May I ask why you waited a year to have it?  Quite honestly, if I received an invite to a "delayed reception", especially one year after the marriage, I would think it is a gift grab.

twinkletoes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10153
  • Latest blog post: Peanut's back!
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2008, 05:23:06 PM »
"Come celebrate our first anniversary with us!"

What was your wedding dress?  If it was a "traditional" wedding dress, then no, I wouldn't wear it.  If it was a cute cocktail dress, or an LBD, or something else that doesn't scream "bridal," then I think it's fine to wear.

You got married a fair time ago, so I wouldn't do anything with wedding elements.  I think it would look silly and I'm with Sparksals - it'll scream that it's a gift grab.
There is always money in the banana stand.
I'm a serial blogger: http://crimsonandclover.typepad.com/

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28881
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2008, 10:55:37 PM »
I think you should call it a first anniversary party and wear regular party clothes, not your bridal gown.

At this point, too much time has lapsed for it not to appear to be a re-enactment of the wedding you didn't have a reception for at that time.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

wokcha

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 35
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2008, 11:18:36 PM »
May I ask why you waited a year to have it?  Quite honestly, if I received an invite to a "delayed reception", especially one year after the marriage, I would think it is a gift grab.

The short answer - time and money.  

The long answer: We got married because I wanted to go back to school, and needed insurance coverage.  We had a small wedding in Vegas; we'd always planned on a party afterwards and a year seemed like a nice round figure, particularly with my odd work/school schedule.

DH and I were set on paying for everything ourselves; I didn't want either of my parents (or anyone else for that matter) to throw in some cash, then declare that since they contributed, they got some decision making-power.  (I can be kind of a control freak in that way, but I didn't want to feel forced into something I wasn't comfortable with, simply because someone else was helping pay for the event.)  To further complicate things, DH was laid off right after we got married and was unemployed for three months, so we would have had to put a long delay on the party anyway.

As far as the dress goes, it's actually a bridesmaid's dress pattern, but in white.  No lacy, frilly, gauzy, tulle, beady anything, no veil, no train, just a simple white dress with a halter-type top.  

Quote
You got married a fair time ago, so I wouldn't do anything with wedding elements.
We plan on having a cake, I plan to dance with my dad, and DH and I are planning to dance - would that be appropriate?  (Maybe just call it a "cake" and not a "wedding cake"?)

And, honestly, I never thought about the gift-grab angle.  I would be perfectly happy if everyone showed up empty-handed and just spent several hours celebrating with us.  So I really want to do this the right way.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28881
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2008, 11:23:21 PM »
If the dress looks like a dress you could wear to other events without being mistaken for a wedding dress, then I suppose you could wear it-but you might still be assumed to be "re-enacting your wedding" by wearing the same dress as you wore then.

You can certainly have a cake and the dances, although I'd leave out the tiers, the figurines, and any other "bridal" elements out.

As for the gift-grab angle, it does happen with weddings...people assume that they are required by etiquette or otherwise to give gifts to the couple if the event resembles or is implied to be a wedding event.  An anniversary, on the other hand, doesn't have the gift-giving implications that a wedding does.  So that's why we think you're better off limiting or not having any of the traditional elements of a wedding reception at this event.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

TamJamB

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1505
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2008, 09:48:05 AM »
A year delay is really too long for a reception.  It would be in much better taste to call this an anniversary party.  You can still do formal third-person invitations, if you wish.   

It is completely appropriate at an anniversary party for the couple to open the dancing; and for them to cut a cake together and feed a bit to each other (symbolizing that they will continue to nurture and care for each other).  Toasts are also acceptable (and quite traditional) at an anniversary party. 

Your dress is harder.  You say it is not terribly wedding-gownish.  But is it long?  At most parties the hosts should be dressed to the same degree of formality as their guests.  Weddings have become an exception to this -- people expect to see the bridal party more formally attired (tuxedos, long gowns) than the guests.  However, this will not be the case at an anniversary party.  You should not wear a gown (nor should your husband wear a tuxedo) unless it is a black tie party and all the guests will be wearing evening wear. 

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19694
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2008, 10:26:43 AM »
I have to agree with TamJam.  If I received an invitation to a reception, a year after the wedding, I would think it was a gift grab. I really think that the best thing to do is to call it an anniversary party.

This seems to be verging awfully close to a second wedding.

sparksals

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15703
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2008, 10:40:11 AM »
May I ask why you waited a year to have it?  Quite honestly, if I received an invite to a "delayed reception", especially one year after the marriage, I would think it is a gift grab.

The short answer - time and money.  

The long answer: We got married because I wanted to go back to school, and needed insurance coverage.  We had a small wedding in Vegas; we'd always planned on a party afterwards and a year seemed like a nice round figure, particularly with my odd work/school schedule.

DH and I were set on paying for everything ourselves; I didn't want either of my parents (or anyone else for that matter) to throw in some cash, then declare that since they contributed, they got some decision making-power.  (I can be kind of a control freak in that way, but I didn't want to feel forced into something I wasn't comfortable with, simply because someone else was helping pay for the event.)  To further complicate things, DH was laid off right after we got married and was unemployed for three months, so we would have had to put a long delay on the party anyway.

As far as the dress goes, it's actually a bridesmaid's dress pattern, but in white.  No lacy, frilly, gauzy, tulle, beady anything, no veil, no train, just a simple white dress with a halter-type top.  

Quote
You got married a fair time ago, so I wouldn't do anything with wedding elements.
We plan on having a cake, I plan to dance with my dad, and DH and I are planning to dance - would that be appropriate?  (Maybe just call it a "cake" and not a "wedding cake"?)

And, honestly, I never thought about the gift-grab angle.  I would be perfectly happy if everyone showed up empty-handed and just spent several hours celebrating with us.  So I really want to do this the right way.

If you want it to be a celebration with you and to remove any thoughts of gift-grabbiness, then you have to remove all wedding elements, which means calling it an anniversary party. 

You can certainly dance with your dad to celebrate your first anniversary and have a cake, just not a "wedding cake".   Although, depending on how close people are to you, if I was invited to the celebration as you described it with the cake and dancing with your dad, I would think that it was an attempt to re-enact the wedding or to have the reception you never had.  People could feel uncomfortable thinking they're going to an anniversary party, but it turns out to be very similar to a wedding reception.   That could, in turn, lead to people feeling uncomfortable that they *didn't* bring you a gift.  Not saying that would happen, just looking at different scenarios.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2008, 10:42:06 AM by sparksals »

newbiePA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 730
    • Outside the Marinara Zone- our new blog :)
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2008, 11:08:23 AM »
Sorry, I have to agree.  A year is too long for it to be a delayed reception.

I would just call it a party, with dancing!! As a guest, this would be more appealing to me, than a "reception". 

Cake is always appropriate.  Maybe do it in a fun color, instead of white? 

newbiePA

MissMannersFan

  • Planned a huge wedding in 5 months, and SURVIVED!
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2008, 10:33:17 PM »
Although it seems the consensus is that you definitely ought not to call it a delayed reception, but an anniversary celebration, I disagree that the cake or dress would be areas for a faux pas.

I think wearing your wedding gown would be fine, especially since you said it's pretty simple. Even if it were "more wedding-ish" of a dress, I think it would still be fine to wear it again on the anniversary, unless it had a train and definitely without any veil. And of course no bouquet, but if you felt like wearing a wrist corsage that could be cute.

I honestly think practically any type or color of cake would be fine, even if it has tiers (people even get birthday cakes with tiers) or is white. I would nix having a little bride-and-groom cake topper, but other than that I think you're free to choose any tiered or non-tiered cake you like. People might spontaneously decide to give toasts, but I wouldn't push it. It might be nice for you 2 to toast your guests, though.

I think the wedding re-enactment vibes would start to flow if you did things like: tossing a bouquet, having any sort of "bridal party"... things like that.

If you have pics from the wedding itself, those might be nice to display. Other relevant photo album, mementos and such might be nice to have on hand to show, too.

Suggested wording for invitation:

Joanne and Timothy Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at an evening dinner-dance
in celebration of
their first wedding anniversary
Saturday, the fifth of May
half-past six o'clock
Angelo's Banquet Hall
City, State

Kindly reply before the fifth of April

..and of course, no mention of gifts or anything. If people directly ask, you might try to reinforce that it's not really a gifting occasion, you just want to celebrate with them. For those who show up with gifts anyhow, I would suggest subtly stowing the gifts totally out of sight so others don't feel like they "should have" brought you something and feel bad.

LOPoppet

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1391
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2008, 10:42:33 PM »
You can find all kinds of wording on www.verseit.com from formal to casual and everything in between.

As others have said, I would call this an "anniversary party", but I would have a cake (if you want one) and wear your dress (since it's simple).
Opinion/Advice/Commentary from the alleged Home-Wrecking Ho

Dindrane

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 14217
Re: Wording on invitation for delayed reception?
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2008, 01:50:02 PM »
I agree with the general consensus here.  Have an anniversary party and enjoy it!

If your dress would fit in with the formality of the occassion, I see no reason not to wear it.  You could also look into doing something like dying it a different color, or shortening the hem to make it slightly less formal (I'm assuming it's floor length).

If I were going to throw a big party for my first anniversary, I would probably rejoice in the fact that I didn't have to stick to conventional wedding reception "looks".  So my cake could have bright blue frosting, if that's what I wanted :)  Or I could wear a really snazzy red dress.

I think it would be fun to take the general idea of a wedding reception, and just turning it into a really fun, but also fancy, anniversary party.